Wonder Writings

Issue 1.4 Autumn-Winter 2005

Today My Son Turned 30
Elizabeth Thomas

for Kevin

I awoke dreaming

of the moment his dark and lopsided head

crowned between my legs.

The moment we pushed

and cried,

heroic and afraid.

In the dream

we float together,

young, naïve.

No effort

just a comfortable containment.

Our hands are clasped and grateful.

My dream.

My interpretation.

Today my son turned

30 – a new chapter, new book.

My role minor,

insignificant as blank pages.

From where I sit

a photograph of him at 3 –

all eyes and imp.

Then a black and white shot

from his 18^th birthday –

all pain and bravado,

arm across his middle,

holding back.

I had to pay him

to take this picture.

My son is 30.

He is not the man

I thought he’d be

those nights when I drove him

‘round and ‘round the block

so he would fall asleep.

Those nights I looked forward,

conjured him full-grown

not crying out

in the dark,

in my dreams.

But then,

I am not the mother

he thought I’d be.

I have cared

for my own parents

some 8 years now

and consider how my mother

never hugs me,

does not know how

to offer thanks.

She is not the mother

I would have wished for,

but she is mine.

Today my son is 30

and I feel conflicted

as I did when he was

first placed in my arms –

all messy, crying out,

perfect in his way

and I, too young

to appreciate each small step.

I feel conflicted not

with lack of love

but with so much

it is hard to contain,

spilling over

smudging these words.

Elizabeth Thomas is a poet and educator residing in northeastern
Connecticut. She founded UpWords Poetry, an organization dedicated to
promoting the poetry and performance of young writers. Log onto
www.upwordspoetry.com